When fathers are nurtured, they nurture…

Did you know that when I ask children what makes them feel most loved, many of them tell me something surprising? They tell me they feel loved when they watch their parents love each other.

It’s odd when you first think about it. Children are naturally egocentric. Developmentally, we would expect them to focus on the love they receive directly from their parents. Yet over and over again, children tell me stories about their parents.

“My dad brings my mom coffee every morning.”

“My mom tells my dad he’s the funniest person she knows.”

“They sit together and talk after dinner.”

“My dad always helps my mom when she’s tired.”

Children notice these things. And something happens in their hearts when they do.

When children witness love between their parents, they experience safety. They experience security. They learn that the people responsible for caring for them are connected to one another. Their world feels more stable. This isn’t just about hugs and kisses, though I am a big believer that children should see healthy affection between their parents. It’s also about the quieter moments. The way parents speak about one another. The way they encourage each other’s dreams. The way they show respect during disagreements. The way they protect each other’s dignity when the other person isn’t in the room. The way they celebrate each other’s successes.

Children absorb all of it.

I once worked with a young boy who told me he wanted to grow up and become a father. When I asked him why, he said, “Because my mom thinks my dad is handsome, kind, and so smart. She says he’s the love of her life. I think that’s a good way to be.”

I have never forgotten that. He was learning how to be a “man” by watching his father.

He didn’t learn it from a lecture. He learned it by watching love.

And that brings me to something we do not talk about enough.

Fathers need nurturing too. Somewhere along the way, our culture created a version of masculinity that asks men to carry everything and feel nothing.

Be strong.

Provide.

Protect.

Work harder.

Need less.

Talk less.

Carry more.

For generations, many boys learned that vulnerability was weakness and that asking for help was something other people did. We taught boys how to achieve. We taught boys how to perform. We taught boys how to endure. But we did not always teach them how to care for themselves.

The result is that many fathers spend their lives caring for everyone around them while quietly carrying burdens that no one sees.

This is one of the reasons therapy for fathers matters so much.

Contrary to popular belief, therapy is not about making men softer. It is about making them more whole. Therapy helps fathers understand the stories they inherited about what it means to be a man. It helps them examine where those stories came from.

Did I learn that my value comes from what I produce?

Did I learn that emotions should be hidden?

Did I learn that rest must be earned?

Did I learn that love is something I have to work for?

Did I learn that asking for help is weakness?

These are not small questions.

These are the questions that shape marriages, families, and generations.

The goal is not to eliminate strength. Children need strong fathers. They need fathers who teach perseverance, responsibility, discipline, courage, and work ethic. They need fathers who roughhouse with them, challenge them, and help them develop resilience.

Hard is good. Soft is good too. The healthiest fathers are not one or the other. They are both.

They know how to protect and how to comfort. How to lead and how to listen. How to work hard and how to rest. How to be disciplined and how to play. How to be powerful and how to be tender. Therapy helps fathers find that balance. It helps them distinguish between intentional strength and trauma-driven survival.

Because there is a difference between working hard because you value contribution and working hard because you don’t believe you are worthy without achievement.

There is a difference between being strong and never allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

There is a difference between providing for your family and believing your only value to your family is what you provide.

When fathers are nurtured, they nurture. When fathers are seen, they learn how to see. When fathers are given permission to be fully human, they raise children who feel permission to be fully human too.

And perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts therapy offers fathers. The opportunity to become more fully themselves.

For their partners.

For their children.

And for the little boy inside who spent far too many years believing he had to carry the world alone.

If any part of this resonates with you, know that you do not have to carry it alone.

At Family and Child Roots & Wings, PLLC, we work with fathers who want to better understand themselves, strengthen their relationships, and show up more intentionally for the people they love. Therapy is not about fixing fathers. It is about creating space for reflection, healing, and growth. Together, we explore the stories you inherited about manhood, strength, vulnerability, work, relationships, and worth. We examine the survival strategies that once protected you and determine whether they are still serving you today. We help fathers reconnect with their emotions, their values, their partners, their children, and themselves. Whether you are navigating stress, burnout, anxiety, relationship challenges, parenting concerns, trauma, life transitions, or simply a desire to become the father, husband, and man you want to be, therapy can provide a space to pause, reflect, and grow.

To learn more about therapy services, contact Family and Child Roots & Wings at 847-786-8222 or email drnirmeen@familyandchildrootsandwings.com